Twelve traps

The world is split into black and white. Either a success or a total failure. No middle ground.

"If I don't do this perfectly, I've completely failed."

A small difficulty instantly balloons into the end of the world. Imagination fills in the worst-case scenario.

"My boss hasn't replied - that means I'm definitely getting fired."

You're certain you know what someone else is thinking. Usually it's something bad. About you.

"She looked at me like that - she must think I'm incompetent."

One event gets turned into a permanent law. 'Always' and 'never' run the show.

"I bombed one interview - I'll never get hired anywhere."

An inner voice that constantly says 'should'. You should be more successful, calmer, better. Miss the mark and guilt arrives.

"I should have handled this alone, without help."

You take everything happening around you personally. Even the weather. Even someone else's bad mood.

"My husband came home tired and quiet - I must have done something wrong."

Nine people said thank you, one had a complaint. The complaint is all that stays with you.

"Everyone loved the presentation, but one colleague spotted a typo. The evening is ruined."

I feel it, so it must be true. 'I feel anxious' becomes 'everything really is bad'. Emotion turned into evidence.

"I feel unwanted - so I really am unwanted."

A single action becomes a verdict on who you are. Not 'I made a mistake' but 'I'm a failure'. Forever.

"I forgot to call my friend back - I'm a terrible person."

You know ahead of time how it'll end. Badly. So why even try?

"I definitely won't get the role. No point even applying."

Good stuff doesn't count. 'Lucky', 'coincidence', 'they just felt sorry for me'. The bad is what's real.

"They complimented me, but they were just being polite. The work is weak really."

You compare your worst day to someone's highlight reel. And lose. Every time.

"She's only thirty and she's already bought a house, had three kids, and started a business. And me?"